“Mysterious Container Found on Doorstep” ...... Chorlton Weaklie News ...... with a backward look at William Billy Curtis

Now, there is a new journal circulating in Chorlton.

It goes under the banner of Chorlton Weaklie News, and each week or thereabouts it carries the sort of stories the traditional media will not tell you about.

So here in no particular order are, “Bodies Found in Southern Cemetery”, “Books Discovered in Chorlton Bookshop” and “Dead Shark Found in Chorlton Diving Club Pool”.

My favourite to date is “Mysterious Container Found on Doorstep”,  which breaks the news that “In the early hours of the morning a man was seen lurking around doorsteps depositing glass containers with a white liquid inside”.

I am told that the public’s response to the news sheet has been very positive, with one chap writing in to complain about a story on the proposed revised route for HS2 through Chorlton and the construction of a new station to be sited in the township.  Pleased as the chap was, he wanted to know why the Government hadn’t considered a station in Wythenshawe which would assist the areas regeneration.

The news project is the work of local artist and author Peter Topping, who saw the potential of a light hearted weekly or therabouts news sheet which would promote the newly revived Chorlton Arts Festival.

And so, each week, a local business sponsors the print run and is featured on the front page of the paper.  In December this was Foster Cycles, which carried the headline, “Santa’s Elves Discovered in Foster’s Cycle Workshop”, complete with a picture of the staff looking Elvish in big green and red hats.

The serious side to the publication is the transmission of news about Chorlton Arts Festival and Chorlton Voice. The Arts Festival, which was revived last year and was an outstanding success.

Leaving me just to touch on the inspiration for Peter’s flight of fancy which was “Billy’s Weekly Liar".

This  was a broadsheet sold in Blackpool from 1922 till the death of its creator, William Curtis in the late 1960s.

Mr. Curtis was the owner of Billy’s Joke Shop in Preston, where Peter grew up.

And rereading Billy’s Weekly Liar still has the power to bring a smile , which was in fact the motto of the paper …… “Smile Dammit Smile”,  and it would be hard not to, with stories, like “Unconscious skeleton found on beach”, “A football scout from a Midland Club is interested in Dan Druff from Ayr” and “Brighton Prom stolen By Ladder Gang”.

Such is the magic of this publication that it has a Facebook group, and one copy of the paper has made it into the National Archive, and it is that edition that I shall leave you with, hoping you too will love the story of “Naval Disaster, 

A terrific storm of rather unusual violence swept over Wigan Pier during the night.  

It is feared that many Battleships that were in dry dock undergoing extensive repairs  and alternations are lost ….The local fishing fleet has also suffered somewhat owing to the pier head failing at a critical time during the worse portion of the storm”.

Or “Amazing Occurrence in Birmingham, Shortly before noon yesterday, the people who were queuing up for the evening performance of the ‘The Three Mustavhoers’ at the Scratchard Empire were dispersed by the appearance of an untamed fierce Gorgonzola”.*

I could go on …… but I won’t, instead I will just commend Peter’s homage to Mr.Curtis and Billy’s Weekly Liar, with news that the next edition of Chorlton’s Weaklie News will hit the streets this weekend or thereabouts.

Location; Chorlton, and the world

Pictures; Chorlton Weaklie News, 2019, 2020, and Billy’s Weekly Liar, D/3902/2, courtesy of Cheshire Archives and Local Studies, www.cheshirearchives.uk/home

*Billy’s Weekly Liar, Vol. 0 No.5

An Arts Festival …….. a silly newspaper ..... and a heap of Chorlton stories no one else will dare publish

I welcome the return of Chorlton Arts Festival, and along with it that silly but happy publication which goes under the name of Chorlton Weaklie News.

And for those who don’t know, there is a connection between the two. 

After a break of a few years the very successful Chorlton Arts Festival returned in 2019, and despite the best efforts of Colin Covid in 2020 it is back this year.*  

Its Festival Director Peter Topping commented, “Things are looking positive at the moment and we are hoping to not only have art displayed on hoardings, fences, outside walls and in windows, but indoors if permitted and, for good measure, we will go virtual again. 

One thing is for certain, Chorlton Arts Festival is definitely ON THE ROAD AGAIN.”

And that brings me to Chorlton Weaklie News, which is also produced by Peter, and carries regular updates on the Arts Festival.

I have been reporting on the newspaper from when it first hit the streets back in February 2020.**

It is, to misquote that Woody Allen film, All the Chorlton News you wanted to read but didn’t know where to look.  It is silly, irreverent and at times quite topical.

So here in no particular order are, “Bodies Found in Southern Cemetery”, “Books Discovered in Chorlton Bookshop” and “Dead Shark Found in Chorlton Diving Club Pool”.

My favourite to date is “Mysterious Container Found on Doorstep”,  which breaks the news that “In the early hours of the morning a man was seen lurking around doorsteps depositing glass containers with a white liquid inside”.

The inspiration for Peter’s flight of fancy was “Billy’s Weekly Liar".

This  was a broadsheet sold in Blackpool from 1922 till the death of its creator, William Curtis in the late 1960s.

Mr. Curtis was the owner of Billy’s Joke Shop in Preston, where Peter grew up.

And rereading Billy’s Weekly Liar still has the power to bring a smile , which was in fact the motto of the paper …… “Smile Dammit Smile”,  and it would be hard not to, with stories, like “Unconscious skeleton found on beach”, “A football scout from a Midland Club is interested in Dan Druff from Ayr” and “Brighton Prom stolen By Ladder Gang”.

All of which led Peter to compile his “counter factual Chorlton news stories” into a book, which he called Smile Dammit Smile!!! Chorlton.

The book  is available from http://www.pubbooks.co.uk/ or Chorlton Book shop, 506 Wilbraham Road, Chorlton-cum-Hardy, Manchester M21 9AW 0161 881 6374.

And that is it.  Any one wanting to sign up as an artist or to volunteer have until June 1st, and all you have to do is go the Chorlton Arts Festival link.

Location; Chorlton

Pictures; Arts Festvals banners on Beech Road, 2021, from the collection of Andrew Simpson, remaining images, courtesy of Peter Topping, 2021 

*Chorlton Arts Festival, www.chorltonarts.org

** Chorlton Weaklie News https://chorltonhistory.blogspot.com/search?q=chorlton+Weaklie+News

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please" ................ stories from Chorlton

I suppose, we all know that piece of advice attributed to Mark Twain, about never letting the truth get in the way of a good story

Chorlton Weaklie News, 2020

And Peter has embraced the observation,  like a drowning man embraces a log, and in turn it has informed his weekly or thereabouts newsletter, which is a slightly off beat interpretation of what is going on in Chorlton to accompany updates on the forthcoming Chorlton Arts Festival.

It’s not the first time the blog* has explored Peter’s devious approach to local currents affairs, but looking at his recent news bulletin I was inspired to go off and search my own story, and in the process bring out into the sunlight another of Mr. Twain’s comments …………. “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please".

So, the Chorlton Weaklie News story today features KPS Pharmacy on Wilbraham Road and brought to mind my own story of the shops along the parade that runs back from Adastral House towards Egerton Road South.

June does hair, circa 1930s

All of which brings me to "June" who in the 1930s advertised her  business at the Broadwalk,  523 Wilbraham Road where she practiced Permanent Waxing by the Nestlé System which was the "Radione" system in which "the hair was wound dry and inserted into hollow cellophane tubes sealed at both ends, but contained moistened paper”**

The process dated back to Karl Nessler who  perfected his Nestlé System, which was an alternative method of curling hair which was an improvement on the early method using a mixture of cow urine and water.

Wilbraham Road, circa, 1920s/30s

“June” charged 20/- for the process and also offered "Tinting, Manicure, Face Massage, [and] all kinds of hair work carried out by experts.”

I have often wondered whether her customers were aware that Mr. Nessler had arrived in Britain from Germany in 1901 and facing being interned when the Great War broke out fled, to America, or that during his first experiments on his wife he managed to burn her hair off, causing some scalp burns.

That advert for an early perm, circa 1905

All of which is a complete digression, but I offer up as a compliment to Mr. Topping’s outrageous stories.

Location; Chorlton

Wlbraham Road, 2014

Pictures; advert from the dust cover of a book courtesy of Margaret Connelly, and Wilbraham Road circa 1920s/30s from the Lloyd Collection and  in 2014 from the collection of Andy Robertson

*“Mysterious Container Found on Doorstep” ...... Chorlton Weaklie News ...... with a backward look at William Billy Curtis https://chorltonhistory.blogspot.com/2020/02/mysterious-container-found-on-doorstep.html

**Perm (hairstyle), https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perm_(hairstyle)

Always have a bit of fun everyday …….. *

Now, I have always strived to follow that simple rule of never taking myself too seriously.

And on those few occasions when out of a mix of arrogance and self-delusion I have acted otherwise it has always ended in a disaster.

So, I know I will always be the walk on part in a great play, the one who turned up late and missed the iconic picture of a great event, or the lab assistant instead of the scientific genius.

All of which means I welcome Peter Topping’s new book which takes a humorous and silly approach to what goes on around us.

As Peter says,  “After a successful series of publications of Chorlton Weaklie News, which brought home, in a quirky way, the current news and happenings to the people of Chorlton, I decided to build on the same idea and turn it into a book.

With the dedicated help from my distinguished staff of reporters, I have collected together a series of articles and featured them in a full colour 222 page volume, which is full of stories beyond belief.

This expose based on the life and dealings of everyday Chorltonians has over 270 paintings, contemporary and period photographs, illustrations, documents and maps.

It gives me great pleasure to present you with a cocktail of side splitting humour mixed in with a measure of truth.

These mainly Chorlton based tall stories, with snippets of sometimes exaggerated testimony, and tales of disproportionate catastrophes and misfortunes, will appeal to the sense of humour instilled in the minds of every Chorltonian.

Smile Dammit Smile!!! Chorlton.”

Here can be found, some fine examples of investigative journalism with stories ranging from “Bodies Found in Southern Cemetery”, “Chorlton Bus found on Moon”, and “Mysterious Container Found on Doorstep", along with “Books Discovered in Chorlton Bookshop”, and “Dead Shark Found in Chorlton Diving Pool”.

I am told that the public’s response to the news sheet has been very positive, with one chap writing in to complain about a story on the proposed revised route for HS2 through Chorlton and the construction of a new station to be sited in the township.

Pleased as the chap was, he wanted to know why the Government hadn’t considered a station in Wythenshawe which would assist the areas regeneration.

Leaving me to ponder on the power of silly news to move events forward.

The book came out this week and is available from http://www.pubbooks.co.uk/ or Chorlton Book shop, 506 Wilbraham Road, Chorlton-cum-Hardy, Manchester M21 9AW 0161 881 6374

*Data, Star Trek, Insurrection, 1998

All the Chorlton news that is silly and fun to read ...... the book launch today at Chorlton Bookshop

It's official .... the sun will shine today, and Peter Topping will smile at the launch of his new book, "Smile Dammit Smile!!! Chorlton", a collection of stories from Chorlton Weaklie News. 

Meet him and his book and some surprises today at Chorlton Bookshop Wilbraham Road from 10 till 4.

"These mainly Chorlton based tall stories, with snippets of sometimes exaggerated testimony, and tales of disproportionate catastrophes and misfortunes, will appeal to the sense of humour instilled in the minds of every Chorltonian”.

And these include, in no particular order are, “Bodies Found in Southern Cemetery”, “Books Discovered in Chorlton Bookshop” and “Dead Shark Found in Chorlton Diving Club Pool”.

Peter assures me that there will be no plastic sharks, cardboard imitation gravestones, or samples from Barlow Moor’s Treacle Farm, but would not discount a demonstration of his “Wireless Gas” which “will increase the portability of gas appliance and works by transmitting gas particles via radio signals”*

The science is beyond me, but is described in some detail on page 68 of his book, and looks most convincing, but then until I was 6 I continued to think that the figures on the TV existed in the back of the box.

*Wireless Gas Comes to Chorlton”, “Smile Dammit Smile!!! Chorlton”, Peter Topping, 2020, page 69

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